The invisible illness

ive decided to do this blog based on my own issues with depression.  how if affects me, friends,family and everything between.

,ive suffered with depression for years, long before i even knew i was depressed.  i thought i was just sad and miserable

about 3  years again that all change  my world came crashing down around me, i couldn’t carry on ,anymore, i just wanted to the pain to end.

I bottled everything  up. put on a brave face in public and poured my heart out in private.

i spent the next month in bed ;crying constantly almost unable to function.

Im far too sensitive for my own good, i always see the worst in myself.

the worst thing you can say to someone ,with depression is.   snap out of it, or cheer up.  for me that just made me feel even more worthless.  more inverted, more withdrawn.

unless you have suffered with it, its impossible to understand.   Although everyone’s depression differs there are key things we all share;;:

everything feels 100 times worse

it feels like you are living  in a bubble

you feel numb

you just feel empty and alone.   there a million things i could add.

for me i just wanted to be alone everything seemed a blur  days merged into weeks  i lost all sense of time.

it has affected all parts of me, I’ve lost; all confidence in myself  at times i hate myself.
,
People thought i was just being moody and attention seeking. I’m sure people still think it.
there been times ive drank to stop the pain, hurt myself. physically and emotionally. i still hurt everyday.

,
its an on going struggle  one day at a time, that’s how i look at things now.

on a positive note 3 years on I’m still here, still fighting,  don’t get me wrong, im still very depressed an find it hard everyday.

if people read this please take away a few things.

Talking does help, friends,family, professionals. dont do what i do, Talk.
Keep a diary write down what you feel. good and bad

i hope this makes sense and its just a waffle. If one person reads this and get help, ill be happy

you are not alone  people care.    dont bottle things up  talk to people you trust  there are people to contact  . that  first step is the hardest  but   also the strongest

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2 thoughts on “The invisible illness

  1. […] The invisible illness (fabiodulong.wordpress.com) […]

  2. This is an excellent article and you’re very brave to post your feelings on the subject of depression.

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